The fine print · Last revised October 23, 2026

Terms & Privacy

The fine print is where the important things have always been kept. His Lordship insists it be read in full. He has never read it himself.

This website, The Lord Featherbottom Review, and all correspondence from the office of Lord Featherbottom are published by Grey Bird Flies LLC, doing business as Lord Featherbottom, 3683 S FM 51, Ste 600 #1001, Decatur, TX 76234 (“we”, “us”, or, as he prefers, “the office”). By using the site or receiving our emails, you agree to these terms.

Part I. Privacy

What we collect

Your email address, when you ask to receive The Review, request a released memorandum, or become a Client or True Oligarch.
Your Substack sign-up, if you follow The Review on Substack. We copy the email address of each Substack reader, and whether they are still signed up, into our own list so they receive The Review from us, and we honor Substack opt-outs. Substack handles its own pages under its own privacy policy.
What you asked for: which list you joined, which memorandum you requested, and when.
Your survey answers, if you choose to give them. Every survey can be declined.
Payment records, if you become a Client or True Oligarch. Payments are processed by Stripe. We receive your email, your tier, and a customer reference. We never see or store your card number.
Email delivery and engagement records, including delivery outcomes, image loads and link clicks.
Basic technical logs kept by our hosting provider (such as IP address and browser type) for security and reliability.

We use our own small website counter to measure visits, where readers came from, link clicks, and new sign-ups. A random session label lasts 30 minutes in this tab. Website events hold page paths and campaign labels, never email addresses, names, full URLs, or survey answers. Our own short links (lordfeatherbottom.com/go/…) count a server request before forwarding to a page on this site, and leave a 30-minute note in your browser naming the link, so a sign-up can be credited to the post that brought you. Those click counts can include bots and link previews, not just people. Reports contain totals only.

The site does not use advertising cookies or third-party website trackers. Stripe's payment page sets its own cookies to prevent fraud. A few Review issues include a player from Spotify or YouTube; that player loads from those companies, which may set their own cookies under their own policies.

We do not sell or share your information for advertising, so there is nothing to opt out of. If your browser sends a Global Privacy Control signal, we treat it as an opt-out all the same.

Our emails use Resend to record delivery, opens and link clicks. A small image records when an email's images are loaded, and tracked links pass through links.lordfeatherbottom.com before reaching their destination. These records are linked to the email recipient and may include the time, the link clicked, and technical details such as IP address and browser type. Mail privacy tools and security scanners can produce events without a person reading or clicking, so these figures are estimates.

How we use it

To send what you asked for: The Review every second Monday, a memorandum you requested, and, for Clients, the correspondence of your tier.
To decide what to write next and improve our correspondence, using survey answers and email engagement figures in aggregate.
To manage your paid membership, if you have one, and to answer you if you write to us.

We do not sell, rent, or trade your information. His Lordship finds the practice vulgar. It is also, in many places, illegal.

Who handles it for us

A small number of service providers process your information only so that they can provide their service to us: Resend (email delivery and engagement measurement), Neon (database), Vercel (website hosting), and Stripe (payments). Your information is stored in the United States. We may also disclose information if the law requires it.

How long we keep it, and how to leave

Every email has an Unsubscribe link at the bottom. Follow it and confirm, and you are removed from all correspondence. His Lordship will take it personally, but he will not stand in your way. Unsubscribing does not end a paid membership; use Manage or end your retainer for that.
We keep a record of who has unsubscribed, so that we never write to them again.
We keep your information while you receive our emails or hold a paid membership, and for as long afterward as needed for records the law requires (such as payment records).
To see, correct, or delete what we hold about you, write to office@lordfeatherbottom.com or to the postal address above. We will answer within 30 days. We may ask you to confirm the request from the email address it concerns. Someone acting for you may write on your behalf with proof of your permission. If we refuse a request, you may appeal by replying with "Privacy appeal" in the subject line. Requests are free.

Security

We use encrypted connections, limit who can reach your information, and keep it with the service providers listed above. No system is perfectly secure. If a breach affects you, we will tell you as the law requires.

Depending on where you live (for example California, the European Union, or the United Kingdom), you may have further rights, including to object to processing or to complain to a data protection authority. We honor these rights whatever your location.

Children

The site is not directed at anyone under 16, and we do not knowingly collect their information. You must be 18 or older to hold a paid membership. Oligarchy, like whisky, is for adults.

Part II. Terms of use

What this is

Charles Lord Featherbottom is a fictional character: a mourning dove in a monocle and top hat. The Review, the memoranda, and everything else here are satire, parody and commentary, not news reports. Real people, companies and events may appear in invented situations; quotations and opinions given to them or to His Lordship are part of the satire, not statements of fact. Nothing on this site or in our emails is financial, legal, investment, or political advice, and acting on His Lordship’s counsel would be most unwise. Any resemblance to actual oligarchs is, regrettably, not a coincidence.

Plain business facts are not jokes: what we collect, prices at checkout, renewals, cancellations and your rights mean exactly what they say.

When you share our work, please keep it clear that it is satire. Do not crop out the attribution, or present an excerpt as genuine news or as a real person's words.

Using the site

You may read, share links, and print pages for your own use. Please do not:

scrape, bulk-download, or systematically copy the site or our emails, including to build datasets or train or evaluate machine-learning models, without our written permission;
pass on the private download links in your letters, or try to reach restricted memoranda or pages you were not sent;
pretend to be the office, His Lordship, or anyone else, or claim that we endorse you;
interfere with the site, its security, or anyone else's use of it.

We may stop sending to, or end the paid membership of, anyone who breaks these terms, commits fraud, or misuses the site. If we end a paid membership for any other reason, we will refund the unused part of the period you paid for.

What you send us

Survey answers and letters to the office are private. We use them to run and improve the office, and we will not publish them with your name without asking you first. Ideas and suggestions you send may be used freely, without payment or credit.

Other websites

We link to other websites and sometimes embed their players. We do not control them and are not responsible for them; their own terms and policies apply.

Our writing and pictures

All text, illustrations, and images are © 2026 Grey Bird Flies LLC unless stated otherwise. The Lord Featherbottom name and likeness are ours as well. You are welcome to share links, and to quote short passages with credit and a link back. Please do not republish whole essays, memoranda, or illustrations without written permission. Released memoranda are sent to you personally; kindly do not repost them in full.

Client and True Oligarch memberships

Client and True Oligarch memberships are paid, recurring memberships. His Lordship calls them retainers; they are not a retainer for legal, financial, or any other professional service, and no professional relationship is created. They renew automatically, monthly or yearly as you chose, at the price shown at checkout, until you cancel. Payments are processed by Stripe.
You may cancel at any time, online: follow Manage or end your retainer (the same link is at the foot of every letter to a Client or True Oligarch). You may also write to office@lordfeatherbottom.com. Cancellation takes effect at the end of the period already paid; you keep your privileges until then.
Before a yearly membership renews, we email you a reminder with the date, the price, and how to cancel.
Payments are not refunded for partial periods, except where the law requires. If something has gone wrong, write to us and we will make it right.
We may change what a tier includes, or its price. We will tell you by email at least 7 days (and no more than 30 days) before the change applies to you, with how to cancel.

Email

By signing up you agree to receive the correspondence described when you signed up. You may unsubscribe at any time. If you hold a paid membership, we may still send you essential messages about your account and billing.

The usual disclaimers

The site and its contents are provided “as is”, without warranties of any kind. To the fullest extent the law allows, Grey Bird Flies LLC is not liable for indirect or consequential losses arising from your use of the site or our emails, and our total liability to you is limited to the greater of US $100 or what you paid us in the 12 months before the claim. You agree to cover our costs from claims brought by others because of your own unlawful use of the site or your breach of these terms. Nothing in these terms limits rights you have that cannot be limited by law, or our liability for fraud or gross negligence.

Copyright concerns

If you believe something here infringes your copyright, write to office@lordfeatherbottom.com with the work, where it appears on our site, and how to reach you. We will look into it promptly.

Changes and governing law

We may revise these terms; we will post the changes on this page and the date above will change when we do. We will tell you about material changes by email, a notice on the site, or other reasonable means. Changes to what a paid membership includes, or its price, are always sent by email, as described above. These terms are governed by the laws of the State of Texas. Disputes go to the state or federal courts in Texas, though either of us may use small claims court.

If any part of these terms cannot be enforced, the rest still applies. If we do not enforce a term at once, we may still enforce it later. We are not responsible for delays caused by events beyond our reasonable control. These terms, with any terms shown at checkout, are the whole agreement between us.

Contact

Grey Bird Flies LLC, doing business as Lord Featherbottom · 3683 S FM 51 · Ste 600 #1001 · Decatur, TX 76234 · office@lordfeatherbottom.com